Talking with our children about race

IMG_0413 copyThis post was originally written in August, 2017 right after the racial violence in Charlottesville. It has been updated.

Like many of you, I imagine, I am still thinking about and praying about Charlottesville. What do we tell our children? We tell them that we are made in the image of God who loves us—all of us; that we promise in our baptismal covenant “to seek and serve Christ in all persons,” to love our neighbors as ourselves, and “to strive for justice and peace among all people and respect the dignity of every human being.” There is no room for misunderstanding in these words. Love and peace are words our children hear us use often, but what about justice? “Justice is what love looks like in public,” says Cornel West. It is the work of the church, and of families, too.

How do we start? Jareesa Tucker McClure has great advice and several excellent resources to share in this blog post. She doesn’t sugarcoat the challenge: “We owe it to our children to tell them the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel. There are people in the world who hate others because of their skin color, religion or nation of origin. It’s our duty as parents to prepare our children for the real world. Sharing the truth helps build trust with your child, as they’ll know they can come to you to answer the hard questions with honesty.”

Among the resources McClure recommends is this article this article by Erin Winkler, who has studied how young children learn race. Part of the difficulty, of course, is that “first we need to get comfortable talking and learning about race, racism, and racial inequity, period. If you cannot explain to another adult why these patterns of racialized inequity exist and persist, it is going to be impossible to explain to a four-year-old in an age-appropriate manner.” Winkler provides sound, practical suggestions for how to start these difficult conversations and how to move from what we say to what we do. “Actively seek out anti-racist role models in your community and in the broader society, and expose young children to these role models. Show children that, while we do face troubling problems as a society, there are (and have always been) people and organizations working to make positive change every day. Show children that they can help, too.”

Addressing these issues  is not something your family will finish over­­ a weekend; it’s long work, and for white parents especially, it is likely to push us out of our comfort zones. Books can give us a window into history and experiences vastly different from our own. Last week, the Parents’ Choice Foundation offered a list of 22 books that deal with the difficult topics Charlottesville stirred up, with reviews and age guidelines for each.

Minister, activist and Christian ethics professor Jennifer Harvey’s work focuses on white anti-racism and her newest book, published in January 2018, is Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust AmericaIt’s full of examples and practical advice for parents and educators, and is a significant and much-needed addition to the conversation .

As Christians, we must talk with our children about race and racial justice in the context of our faith. Pastor and parent Erin Wathen, in her book More Than Words: 10 Values for Modern Families, writes about environmental racism evidenced in the lead-poisoned tap water of Flint, Michigan. Yes, there is the immediate need to provide the community with safe water, but Wathen reminds us that the “transformative work of relationship takes place in community” (p. 95). Helping others isn’t enough. In our families and in our churches,  we have the opportunity and the imperative to reach out to those who are not like us,  to really listen to and know one another and to strengthen existing relationships in ways that deepen our understanding, compassion and respect. “The act of service does not transform the deeper reality; the work of justice does.” When the deeper reality is transformed, the kingdom of God is revealed. This is what we were made for: to help God in this work.

My book Faith at Home: A Handbook for Cautiously Christian Parents includes a chapter “Meeting God in Others” that you may find helpful as part of this conversation. I keep a Pinterest board for resources about talking with kids about racism here. You may also want to read this earlier blog post about Martin Luther King, Jr.

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