We are all learning to live with grief. Some of us are grieving the death of a loved one, some of us are grieving the loss of a job or the death of a dream or simply grieving the way things used to be. My Black siblings aren’t just grieving, they are traumatized, and the losses they bear are incalculable. How do we mourn, and how do we help those around us who are mourning?
Here’s what I know from my own experience:
- The best thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to show up and keep showing up. In these days of physical distancing, that’s hard but not impossible. Call, text, write an old-fashioned letter. Send food. Check in, just as a reminder: I’m here for you. De-center yourself. Do not require a response of any kind.
- Showing up for our Black siblings means educating ourselves about racism, both structural and casual, and then actually doing something about it. Call it out when you see it. Understand what is meant by white privilege and white fragility. Follow and support Black leadership. Vote, and make sure everyone else can, too.
Our Presiding Bishop, Michael Curry, has joined with other faith leaders to ask us to observe a National Day of Mourning and Lament on Monday, June 1, as we pass the terrible milestone of more than 100,000 lives lost in the Coronavirus pandemic.
Here are three recent articles about grief. The first, from Vox, is about the profound grief of Black mothers. This article, from The Atlantic, explores grief in the time of Coronavirus. And this article in the New York Times is aimed at helping children who are grieving.
This downloadable toolkit from the National Alliance for Grieving Children is designed to help families navigate change and loss as a result of the pandemic. As is so often the case, the tools here designed for young people will help adults, too.
Lutherans and Episcopalians around the country have committed to praying this prayer for the next three months:
A Prayer for the Power of the Spirit Among the People of God
God of all power and love,
we give thanks for your unfailing presence
and the hope you provide in times of uncertainty and loss.
Send your Holy Spirit to enkindle in us your holy fire.
Revive us to live as Christ’s body in the world:
a people who pray, worship, learn,
break bread, share life, heal neighbors,
bear good news, seek justice, rest and grow in the Spirit.
Wherever and however we gather,
unite us in common prayer and send us in common mission,
that we and the whole creation might be restored and renewed,
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
May it be as we have spoken and acted.
If you are ready to do something, Justice for George Floyd has identified some ways you can help right now.
If you are wanting to talk with your children about race and racism, I have just updated this post, which I originally wrote right after the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville in 2017.
Wendy Claire Barrie is the author of Faith at Home: A Handbook for Cautiously Christian Parents.